Since the disappearance of «Brangeline» is attributed, at least in part, to disagreements over parental upbringing, you may be wondering if your own marriage or relationship is in jeopardy. Differences in parenting are an area that many couples struggle with and can lead to divorce or resentment when it is not resolved.
Do you think that your partner is too strict, not busy enough or inconsistent when it comes to raising a child? Do you battles so? Consider these tips to keep your relationship strong through parental differences.
Ideally, you and your partner have talked about parenting strategies long before they decided to have children together. But even if you haven’t, it’s not too late to start.
Share your parenting philosophies. Talk about how you were raised and what you would do in the same way or differently from your own parents. Ask your partner about topics such as go A discipline reasonable , which sounds like a proper bedtime in childhood and whether children should be allowed an allowance.
Most likely, you will not agree with everything. That means you’ll have to make some trade-offs.
Create rules together
You are preparing for failure if rules of It is The home There’s something like «Be good or you’ll get in trouble.» This vague approach to discipline lends itself to miscommunication, misunderstandings and, ultimately, struggles.
You and your partner should agree on specific rules and write them down.
These may include statements such as what time each child goes to bed, what children should ask before playing outside, and that homework should be completed before using electronic devices. Show your children the rules and ask them if they have any questions. Be open to their ideas and suggestions and make changes if appropriate. It is easier to apply rules that everyone can agree on.
Agree on the consequences
You and your partner will have to determine the consequences of breaking the rules in your home. If your parenting styles are very different, this can be an area of conflict. Some parents relax with discipline and prefer to simply talk to their children about mistakes. Other parents are extremely strict and believe that sharing specific punishments is the way to keep a home on the right track.
If your parenting styles are in complete conflict, you’ll need to make some trade-offs. One parent may need to agree that there will be consequences for misbehavior, while the other parent should accept that the consequences do not have to be harsh to be effective. Make a written list of the consequences for violating specific rules.
Support each other
Once the plan is in place, it is essential that you stick to it and be consistent. You prepare the whole family for a disaster if one of you follows the plan, but the other allows the children to break the rules or not apply them by insisting on following the consequences.
It is tempting to let unhappy children go unpunished or relax the rules, but the message you send to children is that you and your partner can be divided and conquered.
Disagree in front of children
Unless your partner is really abusive to your children, do not interfere when you do not agree with your parents’ decision. Your children will quickly notice where the disharmony is and use it to their advantage. Don’t let this happen.
Tell your children that you and your partner are on the same page and that each supports the other’s actions.
Bring the incident later, when you and your partner are alone. If you can’t wait, at least ask to speak in private.
Be flexible parents
The way you raise children should be flexible enough to change as they grow. You and your partner should reevaluate the parenting structure as needed. It also takes into account the child’s personality. Some children need more supervision, others less.
Some children are more manipulative, and others have a more pleasant nature. Your style should suit your child’s needs well. A one-size-fits-all approach may not work.
Give yourself a second chance
Every parent makes mistakes. Both you and your partner will make a bad decision or you will lose your temper with your children from time to time.
When your partner makes a mistake, don’t start making accusations. Wait until the children are present and talk calmly about the situation. Then expand forgiveness. This is your partner, not your enemy. Mutual support means a lot.
You must not let the differences between parenting styles destroy your relationship. Listen to each other, compromise on what’s important, and agree that you’re both on the same team. This can go a long way toward building a harmonious family.
Parents sometimes forget that they are at the top of the family structure hierarchy. This essentially means that you two are the bosses and what you say matters.
But, just like in a government or a company, if the leaders do not agree, chaos appears. Not to mention that he sets a bad example for children. They follow what you do and can be influenced by it in ways that can impact the rest of their lives.
When parents do not agree with disciplinary strategies
Don’t be afraid to look external professional help or read some of the great parenting books available if you find it difficult to resolve these struggles. Try:
- How to talk to children to listen and listen to children I speak for Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
- 1-2-3 Magic: the new discipline in 3 steps for a calm, efficient and happy parent by Thomas W. Phelan