If you are like most parents, you probably attach a lot of importance to equality in your family. Theoretically, your goal is to treat everyone the same or at least do the right thing. But is it really possible? Honestly, probably not.
Think about this. In life, you don’t treat exactly everyone you meet. We are all unique and different temperaments , personalities and needs. So why put such an unrealistic expectation on you when it comes to your children?
Like it or not, even if you try to be exactly the same parent with each child, research shows that most parents end up raising their children differently, even if they try to be consistent, correct and do everything the same. And that’s not always a bad thing, especially if your parenting style focuses on giving each child what they need to be successful.
But what about the times when parents are influenced by uncontrolled circumstances, such as the order of birth, special needs and the genre? In such cases, parents need to be particularly aware of the dangers that may arise in each of these scenarios.
While different parents are inevitable, it is important to navigate each scenario with as much awareness and intentionality as possible.
The impact of the order of birth
Some differences in parents occur naturally based on the order of birth of children. For example, firstborns tend to be guinea pigs new parents .
These budding parents are likely to be enthusiastic, nervous, and easy going overprotection . After all, they are learning how to parent for the first time through their first child and they don’t want to make any mistakes.
They also tend to have much more free time. Therefore, she may spend more time reading and watching the firstborn. Each first is documented from the first smile to the first step and the first word.
schedules cited in order to Play , to present, frequency groups of play and enroll their children in enrichment classes . And all the attention creates wonderful dividends for the firstborn. For example, children born first tend to be successful in school, born leaders and extremely responsible.
As a parent, it is important to be aware of these tendencies to parent differently depending on the order of birth and to adapt accordingly. For example, you may have higher expectations for older people and give them more responsibilities, while younger people may not have any responsibilities.
In these cases, you need to be careful about these differences. You don’t want your firstborn to think he has to be perfect, and you don’t want your youngest child to grow up to be irresponsible. So, it is important to keep these things in mind when raising your children and try not to fall into those predictable traps for parents.
The impact of children with special needs
When families have a child with special needs, there will be natural and inherent inequalities, and this is to be expected.
Whether your child has mental, physical, or emotional disabilities, it is only natural that he or she may need more time and energy than his or her other children. However, to prevent other children from having resentments, use this experience to teach them how to be more empathetic .
However, it is equally important to have time for other children and not allow the needs of your child with special needs to consume every ounce of energy. It is also important to make sure that you insist on establishing healthy boundaries between your child with special needs and his or her siblings.
For example, do not let your child with special needs do whatever he wants without him result . Allowing inappropriate actions to be uncontrolled not only hurts other children, but is a disservice to your child with special needs. It is also a sure way to generate anger and resentment in your other children.
The impact of gender
When it comes to parents of boys and girls, it can be a challenge not to put them in stereotypical roles, even without realizing it. For example, parents of large families can assign their children to tasks such as mowing the lawn and emptying the trash, while asking their daughters to load and unload the dishwasher and fold the laundry.
But a better alternative is for children to transform differently business . whenever business of at home are age-appropriate , there is no reason why your daughter can not help with the garden and your son to fold the laundry.
As your children get older, you may want to consider enrolling in household chores each week, especially if you have a large family. Then I can choose which tasks I prefer. As long as everything is done, it doesn’t matter who does what.
Another way in which gender influences parents is how we expect boys and girls to behave. In other words, it is difficult for some parents to allow their sons to cry, but they feel comfortable when their daughters shed a few tears.
This can create a real problem if you have a sensitive child and can make you or your partner uncomfortable if you are emotional. The other children may realize this and call him a coward. When this happens, children feel justified tease your brother . Be very careful not to fall for stereotypical parents when it comes to sex. Raise your children according to their needs, not according to male and female stereotypes.
A word from Verywell
Raising a child is never easy. It is also constantly changing. And no matter how you choose to parent your children, finding a style that works for you is an evolving process that changes every time you add a new child to the mix.
Take a few to think about how you raise your children:
- Is the discipline similar?
- Are the rules age-appropriate?
- Do you fall into a trap?
There are many things you can’t change, such as birth order, gender, and special needs. But you can do everything you can to create an environment where everyone feels loved, appreciated and respected.